loganandliz.com: the mishaps of the mr. and mrs.

Ah, summertime. Time for grilling out, baseball, and–for those in the academic world–summer vacation. But with the good comes the bad. Sunburn. Extreme heat. And smog. Which brings about one of my favorite stories from childhood.

When my brothers and I were old enough to stay home without the supervision of a babysitter, I was sort of in charge. And when you have three kids, it’s almost a sure bet that whenever a situation arises, it’s going to be two against one. Such was the case when Ryan really wanted to go outside to play. Brent and I would usually overrule with a 2-1 vote, deciding instead to enjoy the chill of the central air. Hey, tough break, but we live in a democracy.

Every once in a while I’d start to feel a bit guilty about telling Ryan that we weren’t going to go outside in the stifling heat so he could ride his bike, play baseball or whatever else it is that kids do outside. So, I created a scapegoat: smog.

Ryan couldn’t have been older than 7 or 8, and he had no clue what smog was. But, we could always count on Kit Andrews and the Channel 12 newsroom to confirm that there was indeed a smog alert in effect. So, Brent and I put our evil brains together and explained to Ryan exactly what a smog was. We explained that a smog was a small, yet fast, bird-like animal that would chase and attack children when they were playing outside. And often times they could be found in rural areas, such as Southeastern Indiana. And it worked. We relied on the smog alert to keep our lazy butts indoors day after day. But all good things must come to an end.

One evening Ryan was outside playing after my mom and dad were home from work. He came running in the house, crying hysterically. My mom thought that he’d hurt himself and asked him what was wrong. “I think I just saw a smog!” he managed to say, still in hysterics.

After he had settled down and explained the entire story, let’s just say that one thing was crystal clear. Brent and I were jerks. And mom said that we had to start going outside with Ryan so that he wouldn’t be stuck in the house all day long. Our evil plan had fallen through.

Unless–wait. Hey Ryan, on the news they said that there’s a good chance of developing a case of melanoma from being in the sun today.

Life, Family | 5 Comments »

In almost a year of marriage, I’ve learned that part of the honor of being Liz’s husband includes a tiny portion of serving in a personal assistant style role. Apparently inherited from her dad, Liz has a strong dislike for talking on the phone. This includes tasks ranging from attempting to make changes to insurance policies in her name to trying to describe her symptoms of illness to our primary care physician to even making appointments at the female doctor. The rule on the latter is that if any questions arise, she has to swoop in and save me.

In addition to scheduling any of the appointments, often times I’ll need to remember and remind her of the upcoming appointment. As you can imagine, I’ve developed a rapport with most of her doctors and/or their office staff. One doctor actually corresponds via e-mail! Liz and I both forgot about an appointment that she had with him. I was reminded when I received a billing statement from him with a $60.00 “No Call, No Show” fee. I can’t tell you how much it hurt to write that check.

When the time was approaching for her next appointment, I e-mailed him and asked him to confirm the date and time of her appointment. He wrote back that it was Tuesday at 5 PM. This struck both of us as odd given that his office isn’t open on Tuesdays. So, I wrote back and used the Internet emphasis by way of caps lock. TUESDAY at 5PM? His response was yes.

When we got to his office on Tuesday at 4:57 PM (and if you know us, this is a feat), the door was locked and his lights were off. I reached for the tool I can’t live without, my BlackBerry Pearl 8130–available exclusively at Verizon Wireless–and shot him another e-mail:

Dr. [last name]-
Per our e-mail last week, we are here for Liz’s appointment on Tuesday at 5PM. You, however, are not here. So, I guess we’re even on the $60.00 “No call, No show” fee.

Thanks,
Logan

Before we were back to our apartment, he wrote back. He apologized a few times, and said that he meant to say Wednesday at 5PM. He had gotten the dates confused. Liz went back to his office the next day for her regularly scheduled appointment, and when she returned home, presented me a check for $60.00 from the doctor’s personal checking account.

A good doctor is like money in the bank. A ballsy personal assistant, however, is priceless.

Life, Cheap | 3 Comments »

My brothers Brent and Ryan came to visit this weekend. While it was very nice to see them and we had a lot of fun on their short–yet sweet–visit, one memory particularly sticks out as unexpected and funny at the same time.

Brent used to work at The Real Estate Book in Greater Cincinnati. He casually asked if we had the publication in Chicago. We do in fact have The Real Estate Book and Brent wanted me to walk with him to the nearest publication stand to get a copy. A multi-tasker at heart, I wanted to take Tito outside to answer nature’s call at the same time.

After we got the books, we were walking back towards our building. As we approached the 7-Eleven in the next block a woman yelled out “OHMIGOD, IT’S A CHI!” The closer we got, the more and more ridiculous she got. She practically sprung herself upon Tito, petting him and spouting off full-on baby talk.

“I’m a chi mommy,” she explained. She continued the discussion and asked a series of questions about Tito. I’d answer some and Brent would chime in as well. As her friends came out of 7-Eleven she stood up to walk away. She leaned in to Tito’s face, petted his head and said, “Enjoy the rest of your walk with your daddies.”

After she walked far enough away to be out of normal (read: not Brent’s) whisper range, Brent looked at me. His eyes were as big as silver dollars and he whispered said “Daddies?” I just shrugged it off, and explained that it’s not entirely uncommon here like it may be in, say, Moores Hill.

One thing’s for sure, though. Just like when she shared a room when we were young. I call dibs on the top.

Bunk, that is.

Tito | 6 Comments »

Throughout life, we receive little morsels of wisdom. Sometimes it’s unsolicited advice from a stranger at a bar. We’re mentored by our co-workers and supervisors. Lessons from teachers give us the foundation to set out and achieve the goals attainable within our God-given potential. And we learn to live and love, laugh and cry from experiences with friends and family.

One of the most intriguing pieces of advice that I’ve received was, “Fake it ’til you feel it.” It’s a take on the slogan “Fake it ’till you make it,” which is commonly used as a means of treating depression or to help new members of Alcoholics Anonymous. According to David Brant, the phrase means “…take something that feels impossible, or at least completely unnatural, and pretend that it’s the easiest, most natural thing in the world for you to be doing, and hope that, eventually, it will become as easy as you’re pretending it is. And, hopefully, the strain of pretending won’t ruin your life.”

The word hopefully is key to the aforementioned statement. I’ve been told to lean on this theory for quite a few things. Enjoying work. Sticking to a diet. Religion. Becoming a fan of someone you hate. And I’ve tried it. Let’s look at the results:

Enjoying work? I mean, as much as someone can enjoy work, right? Mildly successful. Sticking to a diet? Not so much. Religion? I’m a lot better than I used to be on this one. Becoming a fan of someone that you hate. Turns out, that’s easier said than done.

But, I guess a 50/50 split isn’t horrible.

I think that I might try renewing my subscription to this life philosophy to see if I can yield better results. For the next 30 days, I’m going to “fake it ’til I feel it.” It’s worth a try, I guess. After all, life’s nothing more than a big work, anyways.

Life | 2 Comments »

photo credit: SDHS website

Anyone who has lived within the limits of our school corporation has tasted the deliciousness that is what we’ve coined a specialty cake by Deb. Deb was your everyday Southeastern Indiana mom–a very nice mother of 2. Supportive of the pee-wee football league and Bobcat basketball. And to top it all off, she could made a mean cake. People lined up to participate in our school carnival’s cake walk, hoping to get their hands on one of her culinary creations.

My dad’s 50th birthday was our first personal interaction with one of Deb’s cakes. Brent and Deb’s son Cory were in the same class and had become friends so my mom contacted Deb to make a cake shaped like a woman’s torso, complete with a couple of C-Cup mounds. Don’t worry, she was wearing an itsy-bitsy, sugar icing bikini. The cake was a hit, tit-illating all of the guests’ taste buds.

Fast forward to 2006; I was turning 26, and decided to throw a self-important White Trash Bash theme party. Complete with a woman’s torso-shaped birthday cake sporting a Rebel flag bikini. Brent and Cory–once BFFs–had gone their separate ways. This stemmed from an incident where Cory’s new clothes and shoes were “ruined,” falling victim to a water balloon fight during Brent’s 8th-grade graduation party. However, Brent put their personal differences aside, and was the bigger person. He enlisted the help of the white pages, and began a relentless voice mail campaign to try and get his big brother a specialty cake by Deb for his 26th birthday. His persistence, however, didn’t pay off. We had to reach out to another vendor for our cake. And no, it wasn’t as tasty.

We were convinced that perhaps specialty cakes by Deb were no longer. Increasingly busy in her new position as an office secretary at our local high school, maybe she couldn’t find the time to take care of both tardies and taste buds. We knew it wasn’t anything personal. Until today, that is.

Jody sent me an e-mail directing me to pictures from the high school’s 30th birthday celebration. The main photo on the website outlining the festivities featured Deb, showcasing a suite of sweets she had baked and garnished in red, white and blue. It seems that specialty cakes are indeed alive and well, but Deb enforced her reserved right to refuse service to anyone.

Specialty cakes by Deb has definitely left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Food and Drinks | 3 Comments »

28. Frighteningly close to 30. Which is inching towards 40. And it actually happened over a week ago. I’m getting slow in my old age. My birthday has come and gone with many fun gifts, surprises, and well-wishes. I actually made out like a bandit!

Thanks to a gift from Liz, I’ve joined the Wii revolution. And I’m not as Wiitarded as I once thought! Wii sports is a blast; it captures the fun of bowling, golf, baseball and tennis without the nuisance of being outside. If they had this when I was in middle school, perhaps Mr. Tyler (our PE teacher) wouldn’t have hated me as much.

I also got a kick-ass digital camcorder from my parents, a ton of gifts from Mom and Dad B and Steven (Justin Timberlake Future Sex/Love Sounds Tour Live from Madison Square Garden DVD, Cubs t-shirt and hat, a WWE book, more Skyline Chili than our cabinets will hold, Singstar 90’s), two new summer outfits from Brent and Ryan, monies from Dave and Leann, and Cranium from Robert and Georgia.

And what good is a birthday without a birthday feast? And feast we did! Liz and I took mom and dad to Brazzaz, another Brazillian Steakhouse with the unlimited meat skewers. I know, we should try some other restaurants once in a while, but I’m just a carnivore at heart! And we topped that off with a chocolate fudge cake that Jody sent via GoCakeGo. It’s essentially an entire birthday party in a box–complete with confetti! After that was gone, we enjoyed signature Funfetti cupcakes with Rainbow Chip icing throughout the remainder of the weekend.

So, another year older, a few pounds heavier, and more gadget-savvy than the 27 years prior, happy birthday to me. Thanks to everyone for such a great birthday.

P.S.- Planning is underway for my 30th birthday party. No details yet, but this is my very own spin on MTV’s My Super Sweet Sixteen!

P.P.S.- Flickr and I are having a fight right now, but pictures to come.

Life | 3 Comments »

To the economy, that is. Following the guidance of our President, George W. Bush, I spent a portion of our economic stimulus check. I had originally planned on rolling the entire amount over into savings, and actually did do that once the money arrived. It was this past weekend that I dug into the old savings all in the name of a new TV. Now, let’s work on getting those Presidential addresses confined to just one channel instead of interrupting prime time viewing, eh?

Of course, I can justify the spending. Prior to yesterday, we had been watching a 19″ television that Liz got her sophomore year of high school. While there was nothing wrong with the TV, it wasn’t the most ideal for watching a movie or having people here to watch the game. I mean, if I did that sort of thing.

Some may call it wasteful; I call it patriotic. A contribution to revive our slow economy. And besides that, with the new crisp high-definition picture, it’s easier to imagine actually seeing the pixelated portions on The Real World Hollywood.

God Bless America!

TV, Cheap | 1 Comment »

This weekend…

1) We spent the night at the Hilton’s Indian Lake Resort, indulging in dual massages at Spa Vargas, chocolate covered strawberries courtesy of room service, and adult beverages al fresco at the Master’s Club on the golf course. Oh, and we got ripped off 10 bucks for a lame-o putt putt course. Don’t call it an amenity if you charge for it. That’s shenanigans.

2) It’s been gorgeous, sunny and warm. But a high of 53 tomorrow? Seriously - is there a spring in this town?

3) Tito finally bonded with Georgia. They even shared a bed. What a woman!

4) Logan’s foot went bum again. Completely. Like, resorting to crutches bad. That boy needs a Rascal ASAP.

5) We bought a sexy new 32″ LCD HDTV

6) Bonus points for already setting it up!

7) We went craft shopping and found at least 9 new projects to work on - totally craftastic! I should be set for at least a week!

8) Unfortunately, the first one I opened was missing the main component. Bummer. Customer Service better put on their “A” game, cause I’m coming for them.

9) We had to cancel on a grill-out with friends because Log can’t walk, and their 3 story gray stone isn’t so conducive to crutches. So I made us a mini grill-in if you will, complete with hot dogs, pasta salad, baked beans, and chips.

10) I had a hankering for bananas, so I made banana pudding. I’m hoping it’s as good as my Mom’s. I won’t cross my fingers though, because hers is pretty wicked good.

11) I went s’immin. First time this season. Hopefully it’s only the beginning of a long, sunbathing summer.

12) I watched a Jon and Kate Plus Eight marathon on TLC. Kate’s a little intense, but after a few episodes, your amazed she’s still sane. Talk about CYB.

13)We’re closing in on summer with only 12 more days of school. If you get out sooner, please don’t rub it in. Cause remember, I’ll still be spending happy times in the pool in September while you’re slaving away in the August heat.

Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

At work, we sit in an unconventional hub of cubicles. The placement of the cubicles lends to a nearly perfect triangle, the points of which are me, Sarah and Alexis. Over the past few months, the three of us have grown pretty close. They’re the first two people at work that I’ve really forged any sort of real relationship with. I vent to them about not only work, but also the ups and downs of regular life.

Turns out, we’re all three strikingly similar, yet different. Some of us love the city, and some of us hate it. Some of us like Skyline Chili, and some of us have yet to try it. Some of us are professional and; oh wait, we’re all pretty inappropriate. Our stable–as it’d be called in the wrestling world–has been coined The Bermuda Triangle, as nothing good comes from our union.

Sarah’s last day was today, leaving the triangle a mere right angle. Here’s to you, Hollywood.

Work, Friends | 1 Comment »

Image: The Dearborn County Register

We used to always pass by Far East Studio in Aurora and crack jokes about its $5 massage specials–complete with happy endings. We would check the cars parked out front to see if we knew any of its clients. And it was all fun and games. Until someone gets arrested, that is:

“Federal authorities say they have busted the leader of a national prostitution ring - a 50-year-old Cheviot woman.Yong Williams admitted to undercover agents that she drove 40,000 miles in seven months, delivering Korean women to massage parlors across the nation that were fronts for brothels, according to federal court records.

Some of the massage parlors are in Northern Kentucky and southeast Indiana. The parlors included the Temporal Zone and Island Relaxation in Florence, 609 Studio in Newport, the Trend in Burlington and five parlors in Dearborn County, Ind., including LA, Rainbow Studio and Sun spas.”

And she wasn’t alone:

“At least 12 other people were charged in Dearborn County with felonies including promoting prostitution, money laundering, theft and conspiracy to commit corrupt business influence related to the alleged prostitution ring.

At least one of the massage parlors printed coupons in a weekly newspaper distributed throughout the region, according to Indiana court records.

One Indiana patron, identified as John Doe No. 26, said he used the $20 coupon to get a one-hour massage for $60. He then paid an additional $40 for a woman to perform a sex act on him in a sauna, according to the records.”

While Far East Studio isn’t named in the news article, I’d imagine that passersby today will see a little less life at the property.

This is one story that doesn’t have a happy ending. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!)

Life | 2 Comments »